Ups and Downs

Well, although the title suggests a scant bit of bi-polarity, I assure you that I am definitely on an up! It gets harder and harder to continue to write consistently as I feel more and more disconnected with my Seattle home, except for the knowledge that all you are out there loving me! I recently came home for just a few days and was so happy to be greeted by many people who even in passing told me they were praying for me.

Sometimes I lay in bed at night in my little apartment, with the coyotes howling and think that all this can't really be real. ME? Living alone in MONTANA? Whose life is this? It just doesn't sound like me, you know? I'll wake up and not know where I am. But I'm glad I'm here, maybe it'll sink in a few years from now.

I'll be honest and say that the time since Christmas and maybe a little bit before had been one of those down times for me. It's like C.S. Lewis says about our relationship with God, the closest we humans can come to consistency is undulation, a constant going up and down, being nearer or farther. There is no way to stay on the mountain top all the time, I don't think we're built for it.

Well anyway, I think after all the settling in and figuring out how to survive I forgot why it was I came in the first place. I was so focused on paying the bills and creating safety that I lost my love of ministry. I don't mean ministry in a churchy way. I mean ministry as the things we do all day long in our every day lives, living a Christian life of Charity, rather than guardedness. Can you imagine being a guarded missionary? Not the best plan. But something happened recently that made me sit up and take notice and remember that first love. The story will sound selfish but that's the way God speaks to us, isn't it? He doesn't get us out of our funk with ideals, but with coming to us where we are.

I've complained a lot about feeling lonely here, there aren't as many people and hardly anyone my age. I've missed hearing "I love you" and being hugged and laughing, as I am learning that humor doesn't translate well across the generational gap. I've felt down and angry that God would send me here where I don't feel loved all the time and socially life is so different from the one I left. I knew I was starting down a slippery-slope to depression, and last time I was there my only hope came from reading or writing out the Word at all times of the day. In the morning before I got out of bed, in the car before I went into work, at my ten minute break, etc. Rather than go back to that place of near despair I knew I should read the Word this way proactively.

The first morning I woke up and did this the Lord spoke to me. I realized that I have been guarded and reluctant to make bonding relationship here for two reasons. One is that I didn't want to become more attached and make it harder to leave or impossible to leave, and secondly that I somehow feared it would make me love home less. Well, I repented and asked the Lord to send me friends, and that I would be faithful in pursuing relationships with those people and be willing to be totally broken up inside when I went home.

When I got to work, barely a half hour later, Donna (our town massage therapist who rents office space in the Realty office I work in) came to me and handed me an envelope. Inside, a certificate for an hour long massage. The "From" line was signed "A friend".

I laid there on that massage table totally ashamed. I had been complaining about how nobody loved me and I didn't have any friends or ones who deeply cared. And here, from "a friend" was a clear message that I am loved, cared for, and that I do have friends here.

I'm noticing more and more how ungrateful I am for the things God gives to me, and also for the people He has brought to me. I have been filled again with a gratitude for this place and these people, and amazing ministry has followed! A new Bible study has formed called Rez Hope, where Jan and Corb are teaching our native people how to "turn it around" and offering Biblical perspectives on finances, marriage, and so many things that are needed. I got to watch the 9 kids that came, we learned John 3:16. That same day I got to give people rides to and from this group, and buy groceries for a mom that had nothing but bread and deer meat left to eat for her and her three kids. We also got to cook a meal for the people who came. I tell you, I could do that all day, every day. As John Maz would say, "I'm living the dream."

Thank you for all your prayers and support. I am so, so, so grateful for all of you and for this glorious Church that God has called His bride! We are the body of Christ, His hand on the Earth. And I am glad glad glad that we're of the same body!

Love to all,
Elanor

Howdy!

Everything is so awesome here. And wow, what I must be learning. I think the coolest thing about life here is that it is no longer "the mission field" but really home. I just feel like I'm living my everyday life, it's no longer foreign. Isn't that cool? I didn't realize it till writing this just now.

The church is just growing and growing. Every week my prayer is "bring them in from the hiways and byways Lord." And HE IS. Every Sunday it's amazing to see who shows up. We are always surprised. There was one week where the snow was just insane, we thought church would be just me and the Morgans. Instead we ended up with a FULL church, it was awesome.

The youth here are just growing and growing. Last week I just had to come out and ask..."do you have a real relationship with the Lord?" and do you know what? They were all honest with me, even when I asked what the reasons were for not having one. I love this! Honest Christians. Hello! The Word is having some effect! When we started with the youth I totally felt the Lord give me the scripture about the inside of the cup being clean first, no worrying about the outside! So the honesty the kids gave me was such a beautiful indication that God is indeed working on the inside, I trust Him for the outside! And most of these kids truly want a real relationship with God. One didn't think he could have one because when he was a baby a pastor told his mom if he wasn't baptized he would go to hell. Well we all took out our Bibles and saw where and why Jesus was baptized, you should've seen the relief come over this kids face. And this was his first time at church SINCE his mother had been told that! Thank you Lord.

We have truly had the most impacting ministry moments of my life these last few weeks. A special moment was driving with a young mother (with another on the way) to the gas station to fill up her empty gas tank- she had an OB appointment the next day! This is a girl who is just beginning to come to church and who lives just down the drive from me. The same day we scrambled to scrounge up our loose change (cause who carries cash nowadays?) to give a family enough money to get milk that their baby needs, who has spina bifida. I am so grateful that so many people are supporting me and the work God is doing here! Thank you all for your prayers and love. I really, really couldn't do it without you.

Thank you for your prayers as I have had plenty of work at the Real Estate office and am making ends meet!

I am so blessed to be here. Lots of love.

Elanor

Settling, Settling...Settled.

Hey everyone! I kept puting off writing until I was in my new place, because what a whirl-wind it's been! So I wanted to move out of my house right? Well, I come home one Sunday to find people at my house, expecting to MOVE IN. Hmmmm, and hour later all my stuff was at Jan and Corb's and there I would remain for the next two weeks.

One of the highlights was heading over to the high school for Homecoming. Mission WON!!! It was awesome and the whole town showed up.

Amos came! It was the most perfect time I could have imagined. We went up to Bigfork, driving all along the east side of Flathead Lake. So beautiful! We also spent about a day watching "The Office" and lounging around, this was equally as awesome. I feel so blessed by him in my life, thank you God that he was able to visit!

My future landlords-to-be got home earlier than expected, so Jan and I just drove right up and asked to see the apartment. A little studio above their newly built garage that wasn't completely finished, but so so cute and of course, bug free. Yahoo! Oh, and might I add that rent is less than my old place!? There's a horse in the pasture out back where I have a little deck, and even satelite tv (I had watched tv like 5 times in the last 2 months) for free!

So, on October 9th I moved in and felt for the first time like things might settle down and really begin here. It's not that God hasn't been doing stuff, but I just haven't felt settled, comfortable, at peace. It's been a lot of "God, why?" instead of being able to see what He's doing. So now I cut up apples and feed them to the horse next door, bake like crazy and just over-all feel very at home here. A mulled-cider candle really helps.

Ministry stuff!!! Seven kids regularly attend youth church on Sunday mornings. I am greeted at the door by kids bounding up to me with their Bibles saying, "I did my homwork!" for which they get candy. We're working on Matthew 7 now, and we've been talking a lot about our "inside world" which is a way of saying we're to clean the inside first. More than half the kids haven't grown up with regular attendance at church, so though sometimes it doesn't feel like they're getting it, I know that the Word always plants a seed.

Jan and I have also been in the Malt Shop (me singing, Jan "working the room") once a week. This is very stretching and very fun. If it wasn't for Tim Carson's vocal artistry cd's I'd be lost out here, thankfully I can do my warm-ups in the car from place to place. Sometime I'll get brave and do them at home for the neighbors to hear.

We had our first "Gathering" for our native families, though less showed than said they would. I did learn how to make Indian Fry Bread though! It's like, an elephant ear without the cinnamon and sugar. You can put taco meat and all those yummy fixins on it! We then sat around the fire, sung and prayed. We're not sure where to go with this quite yet, we need direction!

Some prayer requests: Jeff is had surgery on his shoulder last week. He was pretty freaked out about it and now it's a lot of work for Jan especially. We need prayers for peace. Also, my landlords are not Christians, and I would like to be a good witness to them. Once last Friday and twice this week so far, the real estate office in town has had me working as their office manager. I love it! This would be one or two times a week and just that supplemental income I need to make ends meet here. Please pray that they'll love me and want to hire me for real!

On a funny note, we had to buy a futon frame so that my futon mattress had a home. It arrived. Four boxes, 80 pounds. Not only did I drag it up the stairs myself, but I also put it together and took it apart 3 times (don't mock) and had to go to Ace and get harware for it they forgot to include. I know it sounds silly but I am proud of myself. Doing things on my own is a stretch for me, so thank you Lord!

Thank you all for your support and feel free to Facebook or email so we can chat!

elanorharris@fuller.edu

Love,

E

PS- It's real fall here now. 35 degrees and beautiful!!!

A New Song

Hey guys! I know it's been a while since my last post. Things have been moving a mile a minute! Well, that's not entirely true. Here it's more like 35 miles per hour (gravel roads) but with all the bumps it really feels like your being bounced around.

I "worked" in the mornings for a week, driving the cutest little girl to pre-school. This would have continued but the state won't pay for her to keep going there. She's one of the foster kids next door to Jan and Corb. There are 8 kids over there, 6 of them foster kids. And the couple parenting them are my age! I am amazed. Please be praying for this family.

John, Lukey and Markey came to visit. This was pretty awesome. We went all the way up to the lake at Polson and all the way down to the University of Montana down in Missoula, where John used to throw-up in the frat house bushes. Yes. He pointed this out to us.

I came back to Federal Way for Jonathan and Jessica's wedding, so glad I did! It was awesome and to see everyone was good too. The next weekend we were back for a Native Women's Conference. It was kind of overwhelming. I felt a little lonely there, just realizing that I do not know this culture yet at all. I am still very much on the outside of it. Lord, help me learn!

It was a good weekend to see Amos and my family. I kind of kept it at that and was still exhausted. I originally thought that every time I visited I would get together with everyone, but there is something to be said for not exiting the mission field and immersing yourself in your old life. I'm still not sure what to do about this...

What's to come!

So. Jan came home last week saying that she had been thinking about the kids we saw in the Malt Shop. The Malt Shop is the local place to get burgers, shakes, basically Luke's Diner. *wink
During lunch at the high school, the kids flood in there, which Jan and I witnessed one day. Well, the Lord wouldn't leave her alone about it, so she asked the owner if I could come there some days during lunch or after school and play guitar and sing worship songs. So the owner is like, "any time you want! and if you want to do it at the coffee shop we own that's good too!" Can you believe it? So I am currently putting a short set of songs together to play after school on Friday. At first I was like, heck no! But then I thought about the fact that for some reason, God has been impressing on me to practice both guitar and my voice every day since I've gotten here. I thought it was for the future but then this turns up and, well, we hope; the rest is history!

So, my house, my house, my house. I came home from last last weekend to lots of bugs. And I thought, "Lord, I do not want to move out! I love it here. It's just these bugs!" Low and behold, the girls (from the church) know someone renting both a house and apartment right next to the church. Rent is right, and I immediately fell in love with the house, though I haven't seen the apartment yet. Well, driving back to my house I said, "Lord, I like it here. I don't want to move if it isn't you. Speak to me clearly." I came in and there weren't many bugs. Relief. Then I looked at the window. Crawling! With flying ants or termites, not sure which. I was so grossed out! So, I go into the bathroom! Crawling! From the ceiling on my counter, my TOOTHBRUSH...God has spoken. I called my landlord and they're fine with me moving out. Only trouble is, the new people want to move in right away and I still have nowhere to move to! The landlords of the new place I'd like are on vacation for another week and a half...past the end of the month. They don't have cell phones. Lord, we need a miracle!

That's pretty much the news. May got skunked but she's being babysat since I was gone, and they're keeping her until I figure out where I'm settling. I miss her. We got the Bibles for the youth church and we're averaging 5 or 6 every week. Pretty good for a church of 30! So anyway, things are good and I am ready to move. It feels weird to be unsettled again after just settling in, will it ever end? But I am holding on to the fact that God wants His best for me. So away we go!

Love,
E

Reality Hits

Wow, almost three weeks in. Feels like a lifetime. The highlights of each day get logged away in a my brain, and hopefully many will come out here. Today I had bugs, found out that Amos won't be coming out till October, and found a bird trapped in my woodstove that it took two hours to get out. I think I'm in a little bit of a funny mood to write, but here it goes...

The bug situation is better. On cold days there are hardly any, except there are ants now. But lots of traps out and it seems to be ok. They (the ants) threaten, but don't follow through. Today is the first sunny day we've had all week so when I left the house around noon I had seen about 3 coming in....but that's not bad. They all die anyway because Mama Denise sprayed my house and let's just say that dead bugs are better than live ones. (oh, PS-Mama Denise and Papa George also stocked the whole bottom shelf of my freezer with their organic, grass fed beef. And brought me two pallets of seasoned firewood, God bless them!) One crazy thing happened though, and that is that after two almost bug free days, I came home to a shower that looked like this...

No explaining it. But needless to say I scrubbed out the tub with comet before I took a shower. How do people take baths? =/

The next exciting news to relay is that I got a dog! Her name is May and she's on loan from one of the ladies on worship team, Kim. I was thinking of getting a dog I fell in love with at the shelter but I would hate to have to give her back if I only stay a year, so May seemed the perfect fit. She's an Akita/German Shepherd mix and extremely sweet and low maintenance. She comes with me everywhere in my Subaru and can't stand to be left at home. Stinker.

May and I went on a walk to the Amish store, which is about 3 miles away. I think I'm going to make this a regular walk because at the end of it there's cheese. Well anyway, on our first walk we had to turn around because I started hearing thunder in the distance. Ten minutes from home freezing cold wind began to blow, and within ten minutes of getting home there was torrential downpour.

Sidenote: I have a tin roof, and the rain on my house sounds like hundreds of people hitting a snare drum. Also, I've already had to have a fire in my woodstove 3 times, I love it!

On to ministry stufff.....

There were 5 junior high students at church on Sunday, Corb leans over to me after communion and goes, "do you want to take them back there [to the children's room]?" And I said, "sure!". Thus began what may be a youth church for Mission Mountain Worship Center! I told them I would have treats if they a) brought their Bibles to church (purchasing them Message: Remix...it's a starting place) and b) did assigned reading and told me what they thought of it. Needless to say, I was over-the-moon excited. We thought it wise not to put me in charge of anything in case I was only to be here a year, but seriously, am I going to spend the whole year not being involved cause I might leave at the end of it? SO yeah, going forward!

Yesterday we had the Pretty-On-Tops over for dinner. I made dessert. Julia's chocolate cake and sugar cookies!

Baking at high altitude is going to get some taking used to, and I need to be better at whipping egg whites....cause I'm pretty sure my cake was supposed to be a little less...dense? then it was. Haha, it tasted great though. It was awesome to get to hang out with some of our native families from the church. Over 85% of the people of the Crow reservation in Southeastern Montana actually speak Crow amongst themselves, so I love getting to hear the accent and just talk about life with the people from there!

Reality...
Jan and I were driving around Tribal housing a couple of days ago when we saw an ambulance and police car. Jan realized it was in front of a house who's owners she knew. Their son was on the front step. I'm going to call him "Jake" for the blog. Anyway, Jake has had lots of trouble with drugs, and has been pretty disrespectful to the Morgan's in the past. Jan wasn't sure that she should go find out what was happening with all the police and everybody there. We drove through the rest of tribal housing, to see some other families we know, and Jan just really felt that she was to go and check on Jake. Well, I stayed in the car and prayed, Jan went to the ambulance where Jake was (afraid that someone was after him and strung out pretty bad) and told her, "you have to come pray with me right now" she did, and he folded his hands and begged God for help. I'm so glad we came back! As they took him away, Jan said to me, "He's going to die if he doesn't accept the Lord." The realness of the situation dawned on me in that moment. This kid is 16, has been in and out of rehab, and the meth dealers in the mission valley who were gone for a while came back 6 months ago and the kids are getting hooked. Jake is in my town, part of my community. I don't want him to die! He's who is sticking in my mind right now. I mean, what are his parents going to do if they lose him?

The fact that my friends and family aren't here is weighing heavily on me today. I think I thought I would have a lot of people visiting (my mom, Andrea, Amos) and it doesn't seem to be working out. Well, at least not in the time-table I wanted it to. I asked Amos today, "if the desire of my heart is to see you guys, why won't God give me that?" He answered, "maybe He doesn't want you to have it." Now, I know that sounds harsh, but I truly wonder if having this first month without any visitors is a kind of "trial-by-fire" to get me settled in this place. As one YWAM author from Montana said, "Nothing that has come to Montana, and put its roots down, has done so easily."

More to come,
E

Moving to Montana!

So we set off a couple hours late on Saturday morning, the 14th. High School summer camp ended that day, and Andrea, Crickett and Amos were all coming straight from camp to move me! I couldn't believe that my friends are as cool as they are. More than a few of them showed up to see me off.

We tried our best to be quick and make it to St. Ignatius before it was dark, but we actually ended up pulling around 10:30pm.

The trip there was fun and happy, until the last couple of hours when I actually realized that when my friends left the next afternoon I would not be going with them. I guess I started to feel intimidated?

We got to my house and decided that it was a little too rustic to stay in that night. It smelled a little bit like dog (we found some hair in the air-conditioner) and there were some bugs that my dad found. So! We all ended up at Corb and Jan's for the night, with a sheet hanging up between the girls and the boys in the big upper room at their house. What an adventure!

The next day we got up and tried to find breakfast at the Windmill (they make donuts there!!) but they were closed. After hitting up the grocery store where most people decided on fried chicken for breakfast (not me) we drove around town so that Andi, Crick and Amos could see the lay of the land.
After seeing the Mission Dam reservoir, where the whole valley gets irrigated from, we headed North 35 miles to Flathead Lake, and pretty much realized that everything in Montana is closed on Sunday, well, at least all the interesting places to eat. We headed back to St. Ignatius and ate at Old Timer's, the only restaurant in town. Really good burgers!


So then it was time to say goodbye. Amos and I went on a drive and I have to say that though I cried a little, I was generally in good-spirits and optimistic.
So, I said goodbye to some of my dearest friends and felt pretty ok. It helped that my parents were still there. We ate dinner that one of the ladies from the church made. Her name is Denise, and she's definitely a mama to me; she used to go to Northwest!

Mom and I headed to Polson to find some things at Wal-Mart which of course is always a joy. Both being with my mom and going to Wal-Mart, haha. We got a mop and dishwashing soap and fun things like rotini noodles- the best kind of noodle.


My parents left this morning and again, it was pretty much ok. I went to my house to start cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, and got about a third of the way done before Denise showed up to spray my inside and outside for bugs. I can't believe how nice people are here. You say you have bugs and they say, "I'll come tomorrow with the sprayer". Amazing. Well, the spray worked...ALL THE BUGS IN THE WORLD came into my house. A literal swarm of earwigs and these little bugs that look like flies but don't have wings. Corb came and started weed-wacking outside which continued to drive them in. The good news is that most of them are dead now. You know, we set up a perimeter and they came in the house to die. It was pretty much the beaches of Normandy. So we stopped cleaning...and decided to get a bug bomb.

So, another night at Corb and Jan's and I'm pretty happy. If not for the bug thing the house is the cutest thing ever, so we'll get it under control. Can you be praying for this? It's hard to do anything when everything you own is still in boxes.

We also served at the community dinner tonight, which while not back-breaking work is still really exhausting for some reason. Almost 100 people got dinner though and I got to re-meet some of the people from the town and from other churches. That's my favorite thing about the community here, at least so far, is that the churches really come together and enjoy each other.

Tomorrow we're going to head over to the animal shelter to see about a dog for me, just praying that God will really send me the right one. One that likes to be outside and will be protective, cause my nearest neighbor is about a 1/4 mile away on either side. Hopefully when I come into the house tomorrow lots of bugs will be dead and there will be NO MORE coming in in Jesus' name! If there are more coming in I think I will be discouraged, so I've just got to believe that the Lord is fighting for me on this one, and that you are too!

One last thing, the night we got here two boys died; they were brothers who fell into one of the canals and couldn't get out because the water gets sucked down to irrigate the valley. They found one of them right up Corb and Jan's road in the creek there; it's just awful. Apparently this summer there has been a lot of death, two youth suicides, and it's just so dark. Would you pray against death and hopelessness in this valley? We need hope!

Thank you so much for being involved. It makes me feel really good to know some of you are with me here. Love,

E

Getting ready to go!

This is my first blog of which I hope there will be many, chronicling
my first year in Montana on the Flathead Indian Reservation.

There are many factors to take into account here. I'm moving from a city of 100,000 to a hamlet of 700, from the West Coast to (I can promise you it's different) the Midwest, from my church of 18 years with over 2,000 attenders to one where a good Sunday is 35 people. Please add to that the difference between a place where everyone's dad works at Boeing to a ranching community, where the police have a directory of cattle brands so they know whose cow is lost on the side of the road.

And finally and most importantly, I am leaving the diversity of the Federal Way area to a diversity that's new to me, where the break down is 60 percent white, and 40 percent Native American. Oh, throw in a little Amish too (awesome cheese!).

What I'm trying to say is, I need help. The coming months will of course be a challenge as my God leads me in navigating through all these things, and a woodstove. What I am asking for here is both your involvement in reading this blog and staying connected to my journey, and also praying for me. I'll be honest and say I dislike being lonely.

So, Hillside on the Rez will be a quick and easy way of keeping up with what God is doing and how I am handling it. Fun and calorie-free.

This last trip to Montana was in the company of 20 or so friends; Jr. Highers and leaders from Northwest Church. Some fun dynamics? Being there with my best friend of 10 years, Becca, my boyfriend's parents, Dave and Julie and of course 15 or so Jr. Highers that I got to know on this trip. I have to tell you, I don't know why everyone's so pessimistic about America's youth.

One highlight of my time there was looking for a place to stay. It seemed like everywhere we turned we heard "oh, it just rented." Boohoo. I went to see an apartment down in Indian Town, and though it was cute as a button it certainly didn't scream Montana. When your windows are underground (it was a basement apartment) you don't necessarily get to experience the great outdoors.

The next day we saw "the place on Hillside" that I had heard about a month before from one of the girls in the Real Estate Office. I was sure this place wasn't going to work. I was starting to get discouraged and had heard that the front acreage of the place had a lot of junk in it. I'm not the "fixer-upper" type. Well, I would be, but my non-existent arm muscles just won't allow it.

Well, Jan (of Jan and Corb, the pastors I am serving this year) and I went to check it out and low and behold, the inside was the cutest, sweetest, coziest place imaginable. All pine paneling and one big open room with an entry way and a bedroom right off. The other awesome thing is that half of the house is a huge shop, big enough for a car and a dog and cords upon cords of wood (needed for the infamous woodstove) and lots of extra space besides, for say...a youth event??? Everything was just perfect. And all the stuff out front? They're moving it. And the acre or more in front? They're going to have someone mow it as included in the rent. And the 65 acres out back? Well, they're leased, so cows, but I get to walk through it any time I'd like. And the view? Well, I can't even describe that. You know the beginning of the Sound of Music where it's just shots of Austria and all the mountains for like 5 minutes? The view from the front door is like that, except you could never take it in in any amount of camera shots you could give it. Oh, and the price is right too.

After we left I got more and more panicked that they weren't going to pick me, as other people were interested too. But when we finally talked on the phone they were so happy because they were sure I wasn't going to pick them! Isn't that just like the Lord? We're always stressed the most about exactly what He's already taken care of.

The only thing left to do is fill out the application and sign the lease. Could you be praying that it all goes smoothly?

Well, now you know why this blog is entitled Hillside on the Rez. There's a lot more to share, but I assume that the most important stuff will come once I get there. Please come along with me and feel free to comment. Bye for now!

Elanor